Welcome to Breakfast in America
My photo journal is an eclectic mix of things; there’s no guiding theme or topic. It is whatever happens to catch my attention, what I’ve been thinking, doing, and whatever my current obsessions are. At the moment, they are clearing some of the backlog on my ‘honey-do’ list, backpacking and hammock camping.
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Robert’s new flat
Robert has moved into his own place
After a week’s delay, Friday night saw Robert borrowing my car to finally move out of the family home and into his own flat. Today Ian, Marcelle, and I got an invitation to visit.
It is a super little place, completely refurbished, nicely finished and with everything he needs. I remember from my younger days that the first thing to get wired in was the stereo. For Robert it is the games console.
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Gary By Nathan
Back in August, I was asked if I would mind if one of my nude photographs was used for a drawing.
I don’t really understand why, but at first, I was very reluctant. I’ll admit that to be asked was flattering, I don’t think anyone has ever asked to draw me before (or since!). As my photographs are ‘out there’ for people to see, and the artist had taken the time to contact me, I thought it would be churlish to say no. I decided to keep quiet about it. My main concern was that I hadn’t seen any of the artist’s previous work.
I had no need to worry. The preliminary sketches were very good, so it was just a matter of waiting for the artist, Nathan to finish the piece.
Today I got an email and a link to the completed picture, and I was able to surprise Ginger with a link. So, Nathan, thanks for asking, and thank you for an excellent drawing.
Update: On November 20, 2008, a group of friends presented me with a copy of this drawing printed on canvas as a going-away present for my emigration to the US. I’m not sure how they got a hold of a copy of the original but I was quite touched.
Image Copyright © 2008 Nathaniel Miller, all rights reserved. You can see the original photograph here, and the drawing on Nathan’s website here.
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US Visa Application Forms (K1)
Today I completed all my visa application forms.
I made loads of copies and posted it all off. Now all I’m waiting for is the date for my US Embassy interview.
I’ve all the papers I need for the interview and more besides.
Because of the downturn in the UK housing market, we decided not to rely on the equity in my house and my pensions as a financial guarantee, but have instead used Ginger and her parents as co-sponsors. That means we don’t have to worry about the sale of the house going through in time for the wedding, or that someone at the Embassy is going to decide we can’t fund ourselves.
As it turned out, the embassy was quite happy to accept my house as collateral. The house sale didn’t finally go through until mid-2009, and with the drop in the market at nowhere near what it should have raised – but enough to fund us for several years.
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Identity Crisis
More proof if I needed it that my family is awkward.
My mother’s Christian name is a little different, being a combination of two fairly common names into something a little more unusual. When Ginger was staying I told her the story of my mother’s name, producing my birth certificate with a flourish as proof. I had to eat my words when I saw my mother’s name wasn’t spelled the way I thought it should be. I made an excuse about the story behind her name obviously being a family myth.
Two months later and I’m filling in my US visa paperwork and I once more pull out my birth certificate to double check I’m getting my mother’s name right. At the same time I’m wondering how Ginger got it wrong on the form she completed as an example for me. So I checked the photograph I have of my mother’s grave, and found her name spelled differently, in fact spelled the way I always thought it should be…
I then checked her will and bank book which I still have. They all agreed on the spelling. But that isn’t how her name was spelled on my birth certificate, so which spelling is correct? It was time to call in help.
I ‘phoned my sister. She confirmed that the spelling on my birth certificate is the same as that on my mother’s passport and marriage certificate. Okay. So somehow it was wrong in her will, and that was how it got wrong on the gravestone; or was it? I asked Sis to check mother’s birth certificate, and the spelling there is the same as that on her will and gravestone.
So I had discovered that my mother’s name is spelled incorrectly on my birth certificate, and likewise on our parents’ marriage certificate.
At this point hysterics set in as I and my sister called each other illegitimate, a practice to be repeated later in the day when I caught up with my brother.
We will never know what happened. My mother registered my birth so we can’t blame our father for getting it wrong. Maybe she wanted it to match the name on their marriage certificate, or maybe, back in the days of manual typewriters she couldn’t be bothered to get the Registrar to re-type my birth certificate, or maybe she just didn’t notice. Further checks showed that her name is correct on my brother’s birth certificate. In the course of my investigations I found out my brother misspelled our father’s Christian name on his marriage certificate – D’oh!
So what did I put on the visa paperwork?
The name that appears on my birth certificate, as that is the only document I have that ties my mother’s name to me.
It is no wonder people have trouble investigating their family trees.
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A typical example
A typical example…
…of why everything takes so damned long.I scanned my Visa application instructions for Ginger, and so that a copy can be put on the www for others to see (the version online right now is out of date).
I had just finished when I realised the first page had all my personal details on it, and so I had to scan it all over again.
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Resignation
I have to give three months’ notice at work. So linking the end of my employment to having my US Visa is a nightmare. Despite all the warnings on the Visa paperwork not to do anything rash before one’s Visa is approved, I don’t have much choice but to second guess when the Visa will be sorted and resign.
With a planned travel date of 28 November, I put in my resignation today, giving me a final working date of Friday 21 November. That leaves me a week for any final preparations.
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My Little Car
Once petrol went over a £1 a litre I noticed an interesting phenomenon. Suddenly most of the big gas-guzzling SUVs, BMWs, Mercs and Audi’s et al started cruising at modest speeds in the inside lane leaving the fast lane free for nippy little compact cars like mine to zip along.
I’ve always thought SUVs were a half baked idea in a country where most people couldn’t find somewhere off-road that wasn’t a car park. So the fact they now have to pay excessive sums of money to keep the unnecessary things motoring amuses me. As for me, my little Fiat Punto gives me nigh on 500 miles from a tank of fuel, and I’m ashamed to say it but I also love the colour.
Confession: I guess I ought to admit it; I have previously owned two huge ‘his n hers’ Volvo saloons…
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Plans are afoot
With the possibility of the Visa being approved any day more and more likely we’ve been turning our thoughts to fixing a few dates.
- Leave the UK. Planned now for Friday, November 28 (Black Friday). It means I’ll miss Thanksgiving, but I will get a whole extra month’s pay. This should sync okay with the hoped-for start of November Visa issue date.
- Wedding. We have to get married within 3 months of my setting foot in the US, so after much debate in which we considered having a simple civil ceremony in December followed up by a celebration in the summer, and various other options, we decided to time it for the UK schools winter half term break. That should allow my family to attend if they want. So we now have set a provisional date of February 20 2009.
Having got dates we then entered into the world of wedding planning, where we have to think about such things as: how to accommodate potential visitors; what the weather might be like (anything from tee shirt to ice storm) and not least; what sort of ceremony / celebration we want. It took time but we’ve got the general idea fairly clear in our heads now and we’ve (well, Ginger) found some good resources on the Internet. I’ve started informing my friends and family what the dates might be, with an emphasis on the might. Until the visa comes through nothing is really certain.
One thing though, just making the plans makes it all feel even more real and increases the urgency. I want to be out of my apartment a month before I leave so that I know I’ve either got my things: on a boat to the US; in someone’s loft; or on a rubbish tip. It also means that I have to have all my mail forwarding etc. sorted out. All this to organise, and embassy and medical examinations to fit in and only six days vacation between now and then to do it. I do make challenging situations for myself.
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Keith’s Graduation
I was deeply upset when I missed Robert’s graduation last year, but there was so much angst and animosity surrounding my separation from Elaine I just wasn’t welcome. At the time I tried to make up for it by helping out with Graduation at work, it didn’t really help and I felt very depressed.
So it was great to be able to go to Keith’s graduation and good that Robert could be there too. Because Robert couldn’t stay for the official photographs Elaine and I took some of the three of us. Someone offered to take a picture of us all, but Elaine said no thanks. I think that was a shame, and it was a pity she wouldn’t agree to an official picture of the three of us.Elaine has yet to come to terms with the fact that we are all still part of a family no matter what has transpired between us. We will need to work together on family issues at some point, and the sooner we adapt to that the better. I guess this might change slowly over time. we’ll see. However, I think it will be a shame that in 20 year’s time when Keith looks back at the day, that there isn’t a picture of us all together. We were all there. Maybe if Elaine had left me, I’d be reluctant to let her rejoin the family. I guess I’m just a delusional optimist to expect the family to be able to function again.
One of the advantages of being on the staff and involved in Graduation at Southampton was that I was able to get front-row seats for the ceremony. The disadvantage of having your son as a student at the university where you are working is that every now and then I’d get back to my car and discover it was filled with washing that needed to be done.
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Officiating at Graduation (365:167)
It can get very hectic and be quite fraught at times, but I enjoy it immensely, especially seeing the ‘end product’ of the University’s work.
This year’s Graduation is a bit special for me. It’s my last year at the University, and my son graduates; for that, I’ve organized VIP seats, front center.
To get through the several thousand graduations we do each year. There are two halls in use. Today I’m working on this one. This is a quick picture I took as I did a final check of the hall before letting the graduands, parents, and guests in.